LAWNDALE MARMALADE While I ain't sure what Lady Marmalade is copyrighted, I know Daria is the registered trademark of MTV and Viacom, whatever you like it not, eh? (Our story takes place in The Pizza Prince--er, King--where we see Daria and Jane eating their fill of pizza, while Neil Young's Sample & Hold plays in the background.) Daria: What a day. I never thought I'd see the day when Brittany would get arrested on assult and battery charges for hurting Kevin. Jane: You got to admit, she WAS breaking Lawndale's anti assult laws. How much you wanna bet her folks, along with her fellow cheerleaders will bail her out? Daria: Bet heavily on it. Even so, her case comes up Saturday. Jane: You had to admit, she had it coming. (Nearby, at another table, we see The Fashion Club--Sandi, Stacy and Tiffany--laugh their heads off over something Quinn said.) Sandi: Quinn, that is THE most craziest story I heard in years. Tiffany: You sure the outfits we wore in the dream were satiny? Quinn: Does a bear growl in the woods? Stacy: What do you think, Sandi? Sandi: When it comes to satin lingerie as a Fashion Do, that rates an A+. Quinn: Gee, thanks. Sandi: (sigh) Like, we've all had some of the craziest dreams, but yours, Quinn, tops them all. Stacy: I wish I could dream like that. Tiffany: Amen. (Back at their table, Daria and Jane can't help but overhear what Quinn is saying.) Jane: Did you hear that? Daria: Who wouldn't? Quinn dreaming of satin lingerie? She must've dreamt she was modeling for Victoria's Secret. Quinn (turning to Daria): Which is just what me, and The Fashion Club were wearing in my dream. Sandi: Like, what's the idea of you two brains listening in on our conversation? Daria: Would you believe I was related to J. Edgar Hoover? Jane: Besides, my sister Penny used to date spies in South America. Tiffany: Penny.......Lane? Your folks must've been Beatles freaks--brr. Jane: As a matter of fact, they were. Stacy: Go ahead, Quinn--tell those two your dream you had. Sandi: Quinn, you out of your mind? Those brains don't want to hear such a STUU----------PID story. Jane: Why not? At least, it'll pass the mundane time we got here in Lawndale. Daria: Even we brains could use a diversion--it beats standing 'round here like no life fools. Quinn (after a pause): OK......you asked for it. Last night, I dreamt that me, Sandi, Stacy and Tiffany were on the stage in that place that Jane's brother's band always plays.... Jane: The Zen. Quinn: Right, The Zen. Anyhow, Trent's girlfriend.... Daria: Monique. Quinn: Monique comes on stage, and...... (While Quinn is talking, the scene shimmers to the story, inside The Zen, where Monique is talking to the crowd.) Monique: Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends. Ladies and gentlemen--The Fashion Club!! (The curtain opens revealing The Fashion Club with their instruments, and wearing Victoria's Secret satin lingerie--Sandi, on her bass guitar, in a white bustier, with garter straps and white thigh high stockings, Tiffany, on her 6 string guitar, wearing a blue green satin bra, panty, garter belt and thigh highs, Quinn, with her organs and synthesizers, wearing a red satin bustier with garter straps and thigh highs, and Stacy on her drums, wearing a similar satin bra/panty/garter belt/thigh high ensamble like Tiffany's, only in a peach color. After a pause, Sandi talks to the crowd.) Sandi: Like, we're The Fashion Club, and no, we ain't thinking of changing our name!! Soul sisters, unite!! (With that in mind, The Fashion Club plays Lady Marmalade--as if you didn't know.) Sandi, Quinn, Tiffany & Stacy: Where’s all my soul sisters Let me hear ya flow sisters Hey sister, go sister Soul sister, flow sister Hey sister, go sister Soul sister, flow sister Sandi: He met Marmelade down at old Moulin Rouge Strutting her stuff on the street She said, “Hello, hey Joe. You wanna give it a go?” Sandi, Quinn, Tiffany & Stacy: Gitchy gitchy ya ya da da Gitchy gitchy ya ya hee Mocha chocolata ya ya Tiffany: Creole Lady Marmelade Sandi, Quinn, Tiffany & Stacy: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi Ce soir Voulez-vous coucher avec moi Quinn: He sat in her boudoir while she freshened up Boy drank all that magnolia wine On her black satin sheets Is where he started to freak, yeah Sandi, Quinn, Tiffany & Stacy: Gitchi gitchi ya ya da da Gitchi gitchi ya ya hee Mocha chocolata ya ya Sandi: Creole Lady Marmalade, Sandi, Quinn, Tiffany & Stacy: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi Ce soir Voulez-vous coucher avec moi Stacy: We come through with the Money and the garter belts Let 'em know we 'Bout that cake, Straight out the gate We independent women, Some mistake us for bores I'm saying, why spend mine When I can spend yours Disagree, well that's you And I'm sorry I'ma keep playing These cats out like Atari Wear high heeled shoes, Getting love from the dudes Four bad butt chicks From the Moulin Rouge Sandi, Quinn, Tiffany & Stacy: Hey sisters, soul sisters Betta get that dough sisters Tiffany: We come through with the Money and the garter belts Let 'em know we 'Bout that cake, Straight out the gate We independent women, Some mistake us for bores I'm saying, why spend mine When I can spend yours Disagree, well that's you And I'm sorry I'ma keep playing These cats out like Atari Wear high heeled shoes, Getting love from the dudes Four bad butt chicks From the Moulin Rouge Sandi, Quinn, Tiffany & Stacy: Hey sisters, soul sisters Betta get that dough sisters Sandi: We drink wine with Diamonds in the glass By the case, the Meaning of expensive taste Sandi, Quinn, Tiffany & Stacy: We wanna gitchi gitchi ya ya Mocha chocolata Quinn: Creole Lady Marmalade Sandi, Quinn, Tiffany & Stacy: Marmelade Marmelade Marmelade!! Stacy: Hey, hey, hey Touch of her skin Feeling silky smooth, Colour of cafe au lait, All right Made the savage beast inside Roar until he cried Sandi, Quinn, Tiffany & Stacy: More, more, more!!!!! Quinn: Now he’s back home doin’ nine to five Sandi: Sleeping the gray flannel life Stacy: But when he turns off to sleep Tiffany: Memories keep Sandi, Quinn, Tiffany & Stacy: More, more, more!!!! Gitchi gitchi ya ya da da Gitchi gitchi ya ya hee Mocca chocolata ya ya Stacy: Creole Lady Marmalade Sandi, Quinn, Tiffany & Stacy: Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, Ce soir Voulez-vous coucher avec moi Voulez-vous coucher avec moi, Ce soir (ce soir) Voulez-vous coucher avec moi (The Fashion Club finishes up, before taking their bows before the cheering crowd. After that, the scene shimmers back to The Pizza King, and the end of Quinn's tale.) Quinn: .......and that was how my dream ended. Jane (laughing): Boy oh boy, Sandi was right--that is THE most craziest story, if not the craziest dream. Sandi: I could've told you that. Daria: You must've seen that Moulin Rouge film--THAT would trigger a dream like that. Quinn: DA-ARIAA!! That film is SO unfashionable--along with that one Aussie diva that starred in it!! Sandi: It sucked. Tiffany: Only geeks and sex freaks would see that. Stacy: Un grand stinkeroo. Daria: I wouldn't doubt that. (to Jane) Let's go bail Eep-Eep The Road Runner out from the hoosgow. Jane: Maybe Trent can spare some bucks on the side. (Outside The Pizza King,we see The Partners In Crime head down the sidewalk.) Jane: Y' know.........it's times like these I wish Tom had the same dream Quinn had--only with me, Jodie, Brittany and you on the stage. Daria: No thanks. Jodie and Brittany, they'd be cut out for that sort of thing, but we'd be stupid to wear that satin lingerie. Jane: Don't knock it if you haven't tried it. Daria: On the other hand, we'd give The Fashion Club a run for their money. Jane: Not to mention give Upchuck a lot of ulcers. Daria: Do we dare call such a dream, Lawndale Maramalade? Jane: Hey--why not? (The scene changes to the credits and the alter egos of the Daria crew--Jane as Mohatma Ghandi, Daria as Sheryl Crow, Quinn as a bag lady, Tiffany as a hot dog vendor, Stacy as Jillian Barberie and Sandi as a Dutch girl in a fancy dress --while--what else?--Labelle's version of Lady Marmalade plays.) OWARI (THE END)