Author's Note: Daria and its associated characters are the property of MTV/Viacom. It's kind of hard to determine just who owns Charlie's Angels, but from all appearances, the show is owned by Spelling/Goldberg Productions. Toonces the Driving Cat is owned by either NBC Studios, Broadway Video or SNL Studios. Maybe even all three. I'm not entirely certain, but I can assure you that I own none of them and that this was not written for money or any other compensation. It is only fanfic and written for the pure enjoyment of it.
"Good morning, angels," the deep male said over a small intercom.
"Good morning, Charlie," the four young women said in return.
Tiffany Blum-Deckler checked her appearance via a compact mirror. Stacy Rowe drank a latté while she scanned the sports section of the Lawndale Sun-Herald. Quinn Morgendorffer and Sandi Griffin watched each other warily as they waited for their employer and sponsor to speak.
"Today's an easy day for you, angels," Charlie said. "I need you to deliver two five-gallon drums of an experimental motor oil to Professor Cannon's laboratory."
Sandi frowned and asked, "Do we, like, have to lift that and get all sweaty?"
"Of course not, Sandra," he replied. "It's already been loaded in the car's trunk. You four just have to deliver it. There's no hurry to get it there, but when you do, I want you to drive carefully. That's because the oil is somewhat unstable."
Stacy's forehead knotted up, but before she could ask her question, Quinn asked, "Where is Professor Cannon's lab, Charlie?"
"It's on the outskirts of Jonesboro. I know that taking Beavis Canyon Road is the quickest way there, but given the oil's instability, you need to take Lombard Parkway, instead."
"What's...wrong...with...--" Tiffany started to ask.
Charlie interrupted her. "Beavis Canyon Road has no guard rails, Tiffany, but it does have hundred-foot drop-offs. That, along with the road's hairpin curves makes it too dangerous to take. Stacy?"
The brunette with the pigtails perked up. "Yes, Charlie?"
"The oil might be of interest to you, given your involvement in auto racing. I'll need you to work with Professor Cannon and keep me apprised of both his work and how the oil performs."
"O.K., Charlie!" The young woman smiled and ignored the way Sandi rolled her eyes.
"What about us, Charlie?" Quinn asked. "Delivering that oil isn't much of an assignment."
"I have a particular job for the rest of you to perform, angels," Charlie said and Bosley walked into the living room with a cat carrier. "A couple that I'm friends with would like us to watch their cat while they're on an extended cruise."
Sandi blinked and held in her sigh of frustration. "Um," she said, "excuse me, Charlie, but aren't we, like, overqualified to watch a cat?"
"Lyle and Brenda Clark paid us a lot of money to do this, Sandra. That makes us qualified."
"Well, maybe he can ride with us when we deliver the oil," Stacy suggested.
"NO!" Charlie's response temporarily stunned the four women and he continued, "Don't even suggest that in his presence. Bosley will watch him while you four deliver the oil and drop off Stacy. The rest of you will come back here and take over, then, O.K.?"
Quinn and Sandi looked at one another, unsure at first, then both said, "O.K., Charlie."
The intercom then shut off and Quinn turned to Bosley. "Why did Charlie sound so...panicky?" she asked.
"I have no idea, Quinn," the middle-aged man said as he set the carrier on the floor and opened it. A gray and white striped Domestic shorthaired cat walked out and stretched. "Ladies, allow me to introduce...Toonces."
"Aw, he's so cute!" Stacy knelt beside the cat and petted him. "Hello, Toonces."
Sandi rolled her eyes again, but knelt down as well and stroked the cat's head. The cat sniffed both girls, then strolled over to sniff Quinn's and Tiffany's legs. Then he rubbed himself against their legs.
"He's...real...friendly," Tiffany said.
"That, he is," Bosley said and motioned towards the bay window. "Let's take care of our primary task, shall we?"
The four women joined Charlie's aide at the window, while the cat licked his right front paw and washed his the right side of his face.
"There's the car, ladies," he said as he pointed at a blue, four-door sedan parked outside. "The keys are in it, and it's all ready to go."
Toonces immediately perked up at the mention of the car and ran towards the front door.
"I recognize that car!" Stacy said and smiled. "That's the one equipped with the gas pedal and brakes near the steering wheel for paraplegics, isn't it, Bosley?"
"Yes, Stacy, it is. Charlie thought that after this assignment is over, you can test it out and see how well it works."
Stacy's smile widened. "I look forward to it."
Quinn nodded and looked at Bosley. "Well, we'll go on, then, and be back later."
"Be careful, angels," he said. When the women walked towards the front door, he looked around. "Now, where's that cat?"
Outside, the four women talked until they reached the car. Then they stopped and stared in shock at it.
Toonces was inside the car, and on the driver's seat. His back paws rested on the seat, while his front paws rested on the steering wheel.
"Aw, that's so cute!" Stacy said.
Sandi thought so, too, and even smiled a little bit, but said, "Well, Charlie said that we weren't supposed to take the cat with us."
"Yeah," Tiffany drawled out.
Quinn shook her head, though. "What harm can it do, Sandi? Charlie said that there was no hurry to deliver that oil, and we also have to watch the cat, so let's humor him."
Stacy nodded quickly and added, "It looks like he's pretending to drive."
"Well, let's get in the car with him," Quinn said, "That way, he can play around a little and then, we'll take him inside and go on to Jonesboro."
Sandi and Quinn both moved towards the front passenger door, but Sandi got there first, and went inside, a triumphant smile on her face.
Quinn muttered under her breath and moved to the back seat right behind Sandi, while Tiffany and Stacy piled into the back behind Toonces.
For several seconds, everyone sat there waiting and the cat himself didn't move.
"Well," Sandi said, "what are we waiting for?"
Toonces looked at her, sniffed loudly and smacked the seatbelt with his left front paw.
"He wants us to put on our seatbelts," Stacy said.
"That...is...so...cute," Tiffany said.
"Yeah," Quinn said and buckled herself in. "Let's play along with him."
Stacy and Tiffany put on their belts, while Sandi exhaled loudly and said, "What. Ever." But she also put on her seatbelt.
Then, to the women's surprise, Toonces moved his right front paw to the keys in the ignition and started the car.
That startled the girls, and Sandi asked, "Where did he learn to do that?"
"I don't know!" Stacy cried out. "I don't know!"
Suddenly, Toonces shifted the gears into drive and accelerated the car forward.
The women sat in shocked silence as the cat drove the car out of the driveway and onto Lombard Parkway.
"O.K., Kuh-winn," Sandi said and looked back. "This is not funny. Stop the car, now!"
"I'm not driving the car!" the redhead protested. "He is!" She gripped the back on Sandi's seat tight enough to make her knuckles white.
"But how?" Stacy asked, her voice now sounding panicked. "How can he drive a car? He's just a cat!" She and Tiffany held onto each other in their terror.
"I don't know," Sandi said and reached for the ignition. "But I'm stopping the car now!"
"NO!" Stacy yelled out. "Don't shut off the car!"
Sandi turned her head and glared at her fellow angel. "What did you say, Sta-cee?"
The young woman with the pigtails met Sandi's glare, however, and said, "If you shut off the ignition while we're in motion, we'll lose control of the car!"
"We don't have control of it now!" Quinn pointed out.
"This...is...not...good!" Tiffany said.
Stacy shook her head and said, "We'll let Toonces drive until he gets tired and stops. Then, we'll take over."
The cat ignored the women and sped the car up to sixty-five miles-per-hour. He maneuvered one curve without slowing down, and the tires squealed loudly.
"He's speeding up!" Quinn cried out.
"Oh, really, Kuh-winn?" Sandi said, her voice equally as scared at the redhead's. "Where did you, like, get your first clue?"
"Shut up, Sandi!"
Just then, a police car pulled up behind them and turned on its red-and-blue flashers.
The four women turned, sighed in relief and Sandi said, "O.K., Toonces, we have to stop the car now. The police are behind us."
Toonces glanced at the rearview mirror, hissed and sped the car up to seventy-five. As he approached Beavis Canyon Road, he swerved hard to the right and pulled off of Lombard Parkway. As the car climbed up the mountain, the police car fell further and further behind.
"Toonces!" Quinn yelled. "Stop the car!"
The cat's reaction, however, was to speed into a hairpin curve that threw the girls to one side of the car.
"We're...on...Beavis...Canyon...Road," Tiffany said, her eyes wide open.
"Did the oil fall over?" Stacy asked. "What if the oil fell over?"
"Why don't you go check, Stacy?" Sandi asked, her face totally white as she looked out the front windshield.
The cat ignored the women as he continued to weave all over the road. The police car continued to fall behind.
By the time the car reached the summit of the mountain, the four women were all crying.
"Please, Toonces, stop the car!" Stacy pleaded with the cat.
The cat ignored her and looked into the rearview mirror. The only problem with that was that the road swerved to the right, and Toonces missed that.
All four women cried out, "Toonces, look out!"
The cat then saw that he was driving the car over the edge of the cliff and appeared to scream with the women.
The women's screams continued as the car sailed over the cliff edge and into the canyon. Just as the car reached the rocky canyon floor, it exploded in a ball of flame.
The police car stopped at the top of the cliff, its red-and-blue flashing lights still going.
The new Ford Explodium 250
When you want more bang for your buck
A soot-covered cat stopped near the Ford logo and coughed. Four women, equally covered in soot, stopped near the cat.
"Someone's going to pay for this!" Sandi said, and wiped soot away from her eyes. "This is a new outfit!"
"Give it a rest, Sandi," Quinn said and coughed out a black soot puff.
Author's Note: Now, be honest. How many Daria/Charlie's Angels/Toonces crossovers have you seen before now? Thanks go out to the following members of the PPMB for their comments: Roentgen, Kristen Bealer, Charles RB, LadieT and The Angst Guy.