Drinking it in.


A Daria Iron-Chef story.

Scissors MacGillicutty’s Iron Chef: Daria Drinks & Goes Home.


Legal disclaimer: This story is in no way affiliated with MTV. Daria, Jane, etc. are copyright MTV and used here without express permission.


Big thanks to T.A.G. for his idea of a Karaoke Bar.




Where to begin, at the beginning of time? No, that is far to far back. At the other end then, thirty minutes before the universe ceases to be? Equally the answer is No. No Today we are to look five years previously from the ever moving now, on a Friday in mid winter.


On this Friday we find Daria and Jane back together in Daria’s old room.


Daria has spent the last two months in Boston at Raft, whilst Jane has been stuck in Lawndale eagerly awaiting the start of her own course at B-FAC.


Jane has spent her time pulling up her maths grade in between painting for herself and painting on commission. This time working for Ms Li, at Lawndale High. She got persuaded to help refurbish the school with some huge graphic murals in the corridors.


Daria meanwhile has spent her days in long lectures, looking at writing styles and a selection of authors and writers. Her evenings have been spent in writing up essays and finishing projects. She soon realises why Heather used to pay her to do her essays, it is because with the length of the lectures and the number per week there simply is not enough time to both study and learn. Her personal writing has nearly dwindled to an end, she barely has time to check her e-mails and write her journal.


Partying had so far not been a big event, on the student calendar in her dorm, neither Daria nor her Roommate Lynn were big fans of hanging with people they didn’t know instead they spent most of their free spare time eating oven ready pizza and watching re-runs of Sick Sad World on the TV.


However Daria’s Aunt Amy did come up to visit during her second week for a few days to help with her education into college life.


Daria had always stayed in close contact with her Aunt Amy, although she tried to keep it quiet from her mother, as the two sisters never really got on. Amy liked Daria a lot and always kept her confidences, which was why it came as a shock when she got a letter from Helen asking if she could help keep an eye on Daria, now that Daria was living nearer Amy.


Amy took it on herself to make sure that Daria and her roommate not only had a good time at college, but also that they were safe whilst doing it. She took both Daria and Lynn out to one of her favourite Italian Restaurants where she explained, not the facts of life, but the facts of alcohol.


They placed their orders and with each course Amy had ordered a different glass of wine for them all as well as a few bottles of water. That night they all had a good time, whilst Amy explained why certain things tasted better together than others.


The next night Amy took the girls to a jazz club where they were drinking meaningfully but with little food, again they all had a good night but the next morning was a sorry tale.


Amy helped them both recover in the morning, and spent the afternoon making sure they both knew what signs to look for and how to stay safe, before she left she also went into details as to how drinks were spiked and reminded both girls to never leave any glass unattended.


Daria and Lynn had been to see Amy a few times since that first visit during freshman week, for her master class to make sure that they were fully educated in all aspects of life.



Jane helped Daria to unpack and they headed to Dega Street to the Zon.


The Zon was a strange club, created by a PR genius the building had three entrances one on each side of the building and three names to match, For the Trendy metrosexuals the flashy entrance to “Club Ozone” off Highland Drive led upstairs to the first floor, with all disco lights and plastic dance tunes. For the Metal heads the entrance was on Dega Street where the name had been subtly changed to “The Zon” and this floor had live bands playing every night. The third door was in the back alley off Dega Street and this led to “The Zen” which was a bar that often ran an open mike show.


Daria and Jane got settled in and Daria ordered them both a beer, whilst the band were setting up onstage. Daria had been coming here for so long that whilst strictly speaking she was underage, she was not expecting any hassle nor did she get any from the barman.


Jane could not believe that Daria had got them both a beer, and that she had got served just like that. Everyone round here new of Trent’s sister Little Janey and she was pretty sure she would still be questioned at Thirty as to her age because of being Little Janey. Jane obviously wanted to know what the knack was and just how long Daria had been drinking, so Daria told her all about Lynn and her Aunt Amy’s visit.


They watched a few bands and Daria went back to the bar for a few more beers, it was on the third trip to the bar that the barman told Daria about the Zen being open and that it was open mike night.


Daria went back to Jane with the beer and suggested they go down to the Zen and watch a few acts, Jane agreed and they made their way down stairs, the Zen having an entrance in the Zon as well as from the street.


They go down and after half an hour they have seen a few different people, most are trying to do comedy sketches, these are getting a relatively good appreciation from the audience but both Daria and Jane’s attention was waning as the jokes were either inane or puerile.


After the last act had left the mike unattended, Daria walked up to the Mike and started to speak. She recited the poem Howl by Allen Ginsberg almost word for word, “I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix…”


At the end she quietly went back and sat down again with Jane.

They had a few more beers and eventually went home.


That night in her bed through her pounding headache Jane had already noticed a change in her friend. Her Friend who she had known for nearly five long years to be timid and shy, getting up without being persuaded to do a stand up act, yes their had certainly been some changes, Jane was just not sure that she liked them.



Thanks again to:-

T.A.G. for the idea of Karaoke.

Canadibrit, for the character Lynn Cullen, who I used as Daria’s Roommate.

Scissors MacGillicutty for setting the Iron Chef: Daria Drinks & Goes Home.