CYNICISM IS PAINLESS A Comparison Between "Daria" and "M*A*S*H" By Peter W. Guerin ================================================================================ "Colonel, a closed mind is an empty mind." --Major Charles Emerson Winchester III to Colonel Sherman Potter when they were quarantined with the flu. ================================================================================ This essay is being written as a response to Michael Williams of St. John's, Newfoundland, Canada, who has been asking me to write a "Daria"/"M*A*S*H" crossover fan fiction story. I have to say that I'm going to have to disappoint him because I swore that I was never going to write another Daria fan fiction story after the fiasco that was "The Winds of Change", and I intend to stick to that promise. However, one never knows what might come down the pike one of these days. :-) Nevertheless, I decided that perhaps an essay was in order expounding one of my own pet theories about "Daria" (which was one of the motivating reasons behind my "Daria: the OAV's" series): Mainly that if it wasn't for "M*A*S*H", there would never have been Our Heroine. In a sense, my theory took some concrete form in my fan fiction story "Outbitched", where I have Dr. Benjamin "Hawkeye" Pierce appear as one of the doctors at Cedars of Lawndale Hospital. Little did I know that one year later, Alan Alda would put in an appearance on "ER". In one episode, Alda's character was treating a little girl named Quinn who looked and sounded like Daria's sister herself and I'm still wondering to this day whether some wisenheimer at either Amblin Entertainment or Warner Bros. had somehow read my story and was somehow inspired by it. Of course, I still feel this way even though Kara Wild (who now works for Warner Bros.) swears she doesn't feel that's the case. :-) Of course someone's going to say "What's 'Daria' got to do with 'M*A*S*H'?" To make it a short answer, I say there's plenty. In essence, both shows have to do with two people whose life experiences have made them cynical and the best way they can deal with it is to throw their own virtiolic brand of humor out at the world. Of course, the experiences Hawkeye and Trapper John McIntyre (as well as B. J. Hunnicut later on)undergo are different from those Daria Morgendorffer and Jane Lane experience. Hawkeye, Trapper and B. J. have to deal with being doctors at a Mobile Army Surgical Hospital in the height of the Korean War as well asdealing with an incredibly stupid Army bureacracy. On the other hand, Daria and Jane have to deal with the insanity of the modern-day educational system that has an equally inane bureacracy, as well as insipid parents and peers. Another way the two shows are similar is in the kinds of characters portrayed. As has already been asserted, Daria and Jane are the Hakeye and Trapper (or Hawkeye and B. J. if you will) of the series. Both shows have anal-retentive sticklers for the rules as well in Lawndale High School Principal Angela Li and Major Frank Burns. Admittedly,if Burns wasn't a major in the Army, he'd be right at home at Lawndale High doing the same kinds of things he did while at the 4077th. Both shows have a resident geek; for "M*A*S*H", it's the cross-dressing Corporal Maxwell Klinger while for "Daria" it's that human octopus himself Charles "Upchuck" Ruttheimer III. Both shows have a woman who's the floozy. Of course in the early episodes of "M*A*S*H", Major Margaret "Hot Lips" Hoolihan had that title hands down whereas in Daria the class floozy is Head Cheerleader Brittany Taylor. Überfeminist science teacher Janet Barch would be more typical of the later Major Hoolihan, who was more professional and more of a feminist after her affair with Burns was over and after her brief marriage to Donald Penobscott. Both shows have characters who would be considered wishy-washy; in "M*A*S*H" that role is filled by Corporal Walter "Radar" O'Riley while in Daria it's do-gooder English teacher Timothy O'Neill. The only characters in "M*A*S*H" who don't seem to have any corresponding characters in Daria are the stuffy Major Charles Emerson Winchester III, Father Francis Mulcahey, Lieutenant Colonel Henry Blake and Colonel Sherman Potter. By all means I'm not saying that Glenn Eichler and Susie Lewis got their inspiration for "Daria" from "M*A*S*H" in the way William Hanna and Joseph Barbera mined "The Honeymooners" in creating "The Flintstones", but there are some very interesting similarities between the two shows. Of course the jury is still out on whether Jeannene Garafalo's own brand of humor inspired that of Daria's, but that's an entirely different issue. However, both shows do seem to exhibit the same conflict/resolution dynamic in their stories (especially in the first two seasons of Daria). Take any typical episode of "M*A*S*H", for instance. Such an episode typically deals with Hawkeye (with Trapper or B. J.) having to deal with some idiotic problem that's cropped up. Sometimes it may be the lack of army boots in Hawkeye's size or a Korean woman who's married to a Jewish army soldier who needs to have a bris (i. e. circumcision) performed on her newborn son. Throughout the course of the episode Hawkeye and his friend (whether it's Trapper or B. J.) have to fight the bureacracy to get what they want. Sometimes they succeed, though sometimes they don't (for instance, Hawkeye getting the boots he needs falls apart when all the deals he made in order to get them fall apart themselves). Now take a look at a typical episode of "Daria". Daria and Jane have to deal with the problem of the week that crops up like another of Ms. Li's "mandatory-voluntary" activities or having to go to a family reunion. Throughout the course of the episode Daria and Jane have to fight the school's own bureacracy as well as their own parents and peers to right what's wrong (at least in their own eyes) and don't always succeed (as was famously exemplified in "See Jane Run" or "Just Add Water"). Another way that both shows are similar is in their seemless addition of drama to the comedy. Of course "M*A*S*H" reveled in using dramatic moments to heighten the comedy and vice versa. "Daria" isn't replete with as many of those moments as "M*A*S*H", but in the rare instances that it does (mainly the episodes "Fire!", "Dye! Dye! My Darling", "My Night at Daria's" and "Boxing Daria" as well as the movies "Is It Fall Yet?" and "Is It College Yet?"), the drama is effectively used to advance the plot. Of course the biggest dramatic moments occurred at the height of the Daria/Jane/Tom controversy as well as the subsequent relationship between Daria and Tom. Those include Jane's botched hair dye job, Daria kissing Tom, Jane almost being forced into a lesbian relationship with Alison, Daria and Tom's failed attempt at sex and Daria's failure to be admitted to Brownwell University. Of course Quinn's had her dramatic moments as well, including the really dramatic moment when David brushed her off after tutoring her all summer and her subsequent decision to seek Daria's advice on the matter, not to mention her having to deal with Lindy's alcoholism. Another way both shows are similar is in the use of romance. Of course Hawkeye is a Cassanova in fatigues, seeking to bed every woman he can get his mitts on, whereas Burns carries on a relationship with Hot Lips behind his wife's back. Romance didn't play as big a part in "Daria" at first other than Brittany's relationship with star quarterback Kevin Thompson and Student Government Vice President Jodie Landon's relationship with football team captain Michael Jordan "Mack" MacKenzie. However, toward the end of the first season, Daria begins to have feelings for Jane's older brother Trent, though by the end of the third season those feelings are more or less shot down due to the events of "Lane Miserables" and "Jane's Addition". However, Jane and Tom were certainly an item throughout most of the fourth season, as well as Daria and Tom in the final season. Of course, there goes without saying the relationship between O'Neill and Barch, which culminated in the divorced Barch more or less dragging O'Neill to the altar. :-) There is, as well, Quinn's own way of playing the field, which comes back to burn her in "Is It Fall Yet?" and results in her trying to find the right person for her in "One J at a Time". Of course her not finding Mr. Right is one of those unresolved issues that I was disappointed in, but perhaps Quinn, like Daria, has realized that perhaps she can do without a man in her life for the time being. The only person who comes close to being a lothario like Hawkeye is Upchuck, and for most of the series he doesn't even come close to achieving his goals, though he does win Stacy as a friend in "Life in the Past Lane" and apparently scores with the taciturn Andrea in "Is It College Yet?" So, as can be seen, both "Daria" and "M*A*S*H" have quite a few similarities to them. Both have similar characters. Both deal with the fight against bureacracy and inanity in general. Both effectively use drama to advance the comedy. Finally, both use romance to advance their plots as well. Of course I will still to my dying day would wish they had ended "Is It College Yet?" the way the final episode of "M*A*S*H" ended. I would have liked it if Jane had painted "Good-bye" on the roof of Casa Lane for Daria to see while her flight to college was flying overhead just like B. J. had spelled "Good-bye" with sandbags for Hawkeye to see when his helicopter took off. But that, of course is just my own opinion. :-) Therefore, the next time you watch either "Daria" or "M*A*S*H", take a closer look at them and you'll be surprised as to how similar both shows are. You won't be disappointed. :-) While I've got the soapbox, I just want to remind everyone that if you haven't already, please sign my petition to get the uncensored version of Daria added to TNN. Just go to http://www.geocities.com/dickmarino/dariatnn.html, or if you prefer, go to http://www.petitiononline.com/turk182/petition.html. As of when I typed this essay, I've got 115 signatures on this petition. The petition will be open to signature until January 31, 2003. The more people who sign, the more TNN will realize that there are people out there who want to see Daria in its uncensored glory. So, keep on fighting the good fight, people. :-) Therefore, on that note, "We're done. Get out!" Peter W. Guerin President and CEO, Mark Zero Fan Fiction, Unlimited Hudson Falls, New York October 25, 2002 2:56 PM ================================================================================ THE END ================================================================================ THIS ESSAY HAS BEEN AN EXCLUSIVE CREATION OF MARK Ø FAN FICTION, UNLIMITED! ================================================================================ "Home of the World's Weirdest Fan Fiction" ================================================================================ Home page: http://www.geocities.com/televisioncity/network/4938 ================================================================================ E-mail: markzero@email.com ICQ: 48647033 Official chat room #markzero located at Sorcery.Net (Java chat client available at http://www.sorcery.net) ================================================================================ CLANG! CLANG! OUCH! 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